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5 Things I Learned from Having Breast Cancer
In June of 2021 I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer which had already spread to my lymph nodes. At age 45 with no family history of cancer in my family, and as a physician who gave patients cancer diagnoses every day, this was a shock. Throughout my cancer journey, I learned several lessons that have stuck with me. Life is hard, and everyone is fighting their own battle, but I have faith these lessons can help get us through the hardest times.
1. Count your blessings
After the initial shock of my diagnosis, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude. This surprised me as I expected to feel pity, sadness, even grief for my past life. I did feel those emotions at times, of course, but the support I was given filled my heart. My husband and children helped with daily responsibilities at home and best of all gave me lots of love. My extended family had daily check-ins whether by phone calls, texts, or visits. My family and friends also sent cards, meals, flowers, treats and gifts to help give my family something to enjoy and simply brighten our days. Whether I spoke with someone who lifted me up, got my mind off of my illness, or someone who listened to me cry or complain, I knew people were thinking of us. That made a big difference. It made me feel like we weren’t alone. My colleagues gave me the time I needed to heal and allowed me to return to work when I was able. My doctors were kind, caring, and knowledgeable. Their pearls of wisdom were invaluable and helped me through the treatments and recovery. Their advice rang in my head and got me through the difficult days. My blessings were the people in my life rooting for me. My daily appreciation for the overwhelming support I received created a deep sense of gratitude. Feeling grateful gave me the confidence to keep fighting, keep showing up for treatments, and the determination to go on.
2. Take life one step at a time
I was lucky enough to be diagnosed with an early-stage breast cancer. However, since it was an aggressive type, it would still require me to undergo chemotherapy, radiation, physical therapy, and multiple surgeries. One of my doctors told me that I had a good chance of having a positive outcome, but it would be a very difficult year. I made a mental checklist, and as I went through each treatment, I checked it off the list. At some point when the treatments were so tough that I couldn’t get out of bed or stand in the shower, I learned to take life one day at a time. Sometimes it was one meal or one shower at a time. Thinking in small chunks made my days easier and less overwhelming. Now that I am two years without evidence of cancer, I still find myself taking on projects and overwhelming thoughts little by little. Although I’m still planning for the future, I take life one day at a time.
3. Be your own advocate
Advocating for yourself is important in life and in healthcare. The medical field is very difficult to navigate. My oncologist suggested I keep a binder with all of my medical information and bring it to appointments anytime I see a new physician. With electronic health records so prevalent, it seems that the information in one chart would easily transfer to others. Unfortunately, this is not the case. I kept that binder with my physician’s notes, labs, imaging, procedures performed, and pathology results. It was so much easier and less stressful sharing the information by having it with me, available for immediate review. In addition, now I have organized information about my diagnosis and treatment should it be necessary to share in the future.
Advocating also means getting the right team of doctors assembled. In the last three years I’ve seen more than ten physicians for care. It took work and patience assembling my team. However, the effort paid off and I was able to find physicians with whom I feel comfortable communicating. Also, I know my physicians care enough to give me the best possible treatment. Getting those second opinions, searching out those special doctors, even if out of the city or state, made a big difference in the confidence I had in my care.
Understanding financial responsibility is important. As a physician, I prided myself on having a pretty good understanding of insurance in general. However, the hoops that I had to jump through to get the care I needed covered by insurance surprised me. Talking with a representative from your insurance company regarding benefits and financial counselors at your physicians’ offices helps to better understand benefits, deductibles, and in network vs. out-of-network physicians and care centers.
Finally, understanding legal rights is another important aspect in advocating for yourself. Within healthcare, most people are familiar with HIPAA, the privacy law protecting patient information. However, there are also laws specific to the treatment of breast cancer. The Women’s Health and Cancer Rights Act of 1998 (WHCRA) is a federal law that provides protection to patients who choose to have breast reconstruction in connection with a mastectomy. For women who have the complication of lymphedema from their cancer, The Lymphedema Treatment Act went into effect in January 2024. This requires insurance coverage for lymphedema management and treatment.
4. Accept help
After receiving my diagnosis, I reached out to a friend and colleague who had a similar experience. She was also a physician with children who was diagnosed with breast cancer mid-career. I asked her how she managed through this difficult time. She told me to “accept the help.” As a strong-willed person, I prided myself on doing it all, working all day, helping my kids with homework at night, and being present for everyone who needed me. I believe that this is a common experience for most women. My friend helped me realize that not accepting help doesn’t earn a gold star. Vulnerability can be a strength, and also a relief. As I said yes to those who offered help, my time fighting became less lonely and made me feel more connected to my friends and family.
5. I have more to give
Although I always loved working as a physician caring for patients, at my sickest I didn’t think I would be able to return. My treatments were so difficult that I had a hard time moving from day to day, and although I was focused on one day at a time, it was still hard to envision a time when I would feel well enough to care for others the way I wanted to. As time progressed, and I reached the end of my year of treatments, I began to feel better. I realized that I have more to give. I had lived with cancer, a diagnosis that I give to patients. I lived with a chronic illness, which whether cancer or not, many people have. I was “just” a physician, and I now had the experience of being a patient. I realized that now I had even more experience, knowledge, and relatability to make a difference and offer support to my patients. Not only that, after more than 18 years of practicing obstetrics, many of my patients are now in the same phase of life that I am, menopause. In researching and learning about treatments for myself, I am more compassionate when helping my patients with options for their life in peri- and post-menopause.
It was not easy to write this. In fact, it was suggested that I write a blog about my cancer journey two years ago. Sharing such a painful experience is difficult for me, but I also find it to be therapeutic. Many patients ask about my experience with cancer, and I am always happy to share. My goal is to be healthier at 50 than I was at 45. I’ve got a year to go, and I’m well on my way. As a physician, it’s my goal to help my patients feel and accomplish the same.